"Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out"

gushing over gilmore girls right now. i missed watching this mother and daughter show. :(
i am so wanting to watch every dvd of every show that i've missed. sigh.

i heart HEROES

the two best heroes that i am soooo lovin!

Masi Oka a.k.a. Hiro Nakamura

Milo Ventigmilia a.k.a. Peter Petrelli

we've come a long way baby!

i already adore this guy back when he was still the bad-ass but very smart Jess Mariano.

lactose intolerant

if you've known me long enough at you probably know about this one personal fact about me: how i feel towards milk. yep. calcium-good-for-the-bones whatever milk. well, one thing i want to share with anybody who cares or matter (whoever y'are), that i just had my first tetra pak milk last night (just like the one above!). eww. after 20 years, more or less. freak. i have my own reason for taking that big plunge. hooboy. what else do i hafta take next?

updates from below

for the nth time, i picked another template (which also sucked like the previous ones) and had to start another chatterbox. gosh. when will anything coordinate?

i'm still on the hunt and wondering wide awake when to get out of this slump. it's too frustrating hearing about successful people (not that i'm bitter or what, just plain envious) and people who expects a lot from you just because you came from a reputable school. hello? does underemployment ring a bell? last week, we met a man from this job fair and he was so surprised when he found out that we (my friends and I) are still unemployed after graduation. because according to him - who comes from UP himself (with emphasis here) -  landing a job never came to be a problem. ano ba kuya?? kailangan namin ng suporta hindi mockery with matching kunot-noo face from you!!! hoo boy.

anyhoo, just wanna share this. haha. guess where.

it was a happy 23rd after all

just when i thought i would have to spend the rest of my birthday on the bed counting all the people who sent their greetings along came...well, a surprise. mahalo to the max: pam, kimi, van, izay, hummy, patrick, dana,tb and len. unsurprisingly, i owe pam another round of everything and anything. thanks for organizing although...haha! mahalo, mahalo! mahal ko din kayo! some pichurs to come soon.

23

-Jimmy Eat World-

I felt for sure last night
At once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
Im still driving away

And Im sorry every day
I wont always love these selfish things
I wont always live...
Stop it...

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
Im here and now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what I'll never have
I wont always live in my regrets

----------
Thanks to all the people who sent their greetings. :) 'tis not the best day ever although i've always tried to make this day fun and memorable on its own way. but hey we can't have everthing in this world. thanks for another year that i survived. to all the people who saw my every waking misery, to all of you who stood by next to me as i was having the biggest rollercoaster of my life. i couldn't give up even if i want to. so hang on still, til i get to where i really wanna be.

why does it always rain on me, travis?

it's times like these i wish i had a normal loving family who would take me and cuddle me in their warm arms to assure me that yes, i'd still have them around after a long and stressful day. a normal family who wouldn't mind that I'm still under their roof because it happened that I'm still unemployed. a family that I can talk to of how my day went: was it bloody or gory? mothers and fathers who take care of children simply because they are children and they have the right to be taken care of. Well, those are stuff that i will never, ever find out nor experience for myself, at least not in this lifetime.

i wish all my friends right now were just next door so i can knock the door down, flop myself in the mutilated but comfy sofa and just cry my heart out, runny nose or not they couldn't care less. friends who would hear out all the strange news that I've been getting on my birthday freaking eve. their presence is enough to calm my infested, tired, small brain. given there's still left amidst all this madness.

i wish genies were real and actually grants three wishes to whoever sets them free (given that i was the one who set him free). all right since i'm desperate i could even settle for one.

i wish i wasn't such a dud for opening my tear ducts for like about every other hour. gawd i'm beginning to sound like an emo child. in clinics, in bookstores, in bus. tsktsk.

-------

an ad i saw along EDSA while on the bus on my way home:
" a must have cake for May"
..jeez, you are so thoughtful Red Ribbon. i too, felt the tears that came out of nowhere.

sa piling ng mga kumakaripas na Cubao-Ilalim bus and other tales

being a commuter can really open your mind to reality. As if naman hindi pa ko namumulat sa lahat lahat ng reyalidad sa buhay ko. pero wala lang. siguro at some point in my life i was bound to be a scientist because i'm a big observer. lahat ay pinagmamasdan ko at ginagawan ng kwento, ng background. binubuo ko sa sarili kong utak. kaso, hanggang dun lang ata ako. hindi siguro ko lumevel-up sa hypothesis phase kaya eto, maging geographer na lang daw ako. wahaha!Plus, i suck in chemistry and physics and MATH. Enough said. So becoming a scientist or astronaut was never an option! Magpatawa ka na lang ng tao Mariela God must have said. E di kung ganun bakit hindi na lang ako pinanganak oozing with confidence and charisma para naging stand-up comedian na lang ako???!! Kasi nga, iba ang itinadhana para sa'yo.

aba. mukhang may sayad na ata ako apart from having a suspicious lung problem. kahit sino naman ata ay sasayad ang katinuan sa mga pangyayaring ganito sa ating "di-kumikitang kabuhayan".

naalala ko na naman ang matinding pagnanasa ko na sana, one day,pag naglakad ako sa may julia drive or pearl drive at sa lahat ng streets and avenues sa ortigas, ay may purpose na talaga ko. hindi bilang isang freshly grad, unemployed and bona fide reject na nagmumuni-muni sa katitingin sa mga nagtataasang building. So sana, huwag namang mangyaring naubos na ang building sa ortigas ay hindi pa rin ako natatanggap. haha!

By the way, di ko alam kung anong katopakan ginawa ko pero nag-aaply ulit ako sa isang company (offshoring.com) bilang isang research writer. Pumasa naman ako malamang sa exam kasi nag-move forward naman ako sa initial interview (or is it just their way?!). at sa monday nga i have to come back for the writer's research exam. wooo. i hope to pass it because this is something i think, is the closest i can get to my old passion: writing. haha! as if. i'm keeping my fingers crossed then.

and later i'm off to watch a gallery opening for the first solo exhibit of my friend's mom. yey! i'm so excited. it's not everyday i get to be invited in functions such as this. magpapaka-demure at feeling may class ako mamya. haha!

oh. and how time flies. 'tis coming ever so close. all i really want for that day is an honest job and 500 peso-reservation fee for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (hummy dapat ikaw na lang magbigay sakin neto e, kaso alam ko kuripot ka tsaka Machiavelli nga pala ibibigay mo sakin)! Yay!

So Not OK.

So the first day blues might have skipped me but now i'm having second and third thoughts on "second days" as well. It was already a bad thing to be told that you can't attend your training but it's also another thing to be sent home, again, for the second time. Okay. So i heard i'm having a problem. And huge for that. Of course, if i conditioned myself that it was a good thing, i can happily accept that. and if i wanted to be narrowminded (which luckily i'm not) i could just shrug the whole thing off. But how? after all the difficulties that I had to endure just to get here and all the difficulties of the people i managed to get involved, how would i move forward? Apparently the mountful of bottled feelings have already passed and what is left are just tiny pieces of sanity that i'm strongly holding on to.

So in case i sound, look or feel like a lost or troubled or supergiddy gal, just blame it on the bad case feeling of being laid off. Whut?!

First day Blues Over and Out

and so i started my first day of training yesterday on, ironically, a labor day. oh well, they don't give a darn in holidays whatsoever. so as expected, i was trembling all over when my name was called first to introduce in front of my "classmates". Pambihira. I have to really think fast for that. yaddah,yaddah. pero in fairness, i made friends real fast. haha! even though it's very obvious that we all came from different schools, environment. age were pretty much diverse. it didn't really matter much. and would you believe that there were actually more men than women there and yes, there were actually a few cuties. haha! ang aga pa para pag-usapan ang mga yan.for now, work,work,work muna.

the best part of that day? going home with a bunch of new friends. we really look silly walking all the way from san miguel avenue to Megamall to take the bus. but it was a good kind of silliness.

Hooray for me on my first day!