A story about a dream and a DREAM

A few weeks ago, I had a vivid dream. In it, I was drowning in a body of water. It was a river where I jumped on a jutting rock before landing on the clear water. Suddenly, there was this current pulling me back that I couldn't seem to get out of no matter how hard I try to swim to the surface.

After what seemed to be an eternity of thrashing and resisting, I simply let go. So this must be how it feels to die. In the dream, I clearly remember the feeling of surrendering because there's nothing else to get me out of that situation. I was a goner. So I just let go.

And then I woke up. I was so relieved I was on my bed and not in a body of water because I'm well aware that dream couldn't be far from my reality if ever I was in one.

That dream, of course, warranted a Google search for its meaning. Many interpretations say "I could be overwhelmed with emotions, fear or anxiety". Or it's "a symbolism of something that's weighing me down".

I probably was stressed due to a large volume of responsibilities that was added in our work load. I was also anxious with the results of my study permit application to the point I couldn't sleep well for weeks LOL.

The work stress will always be there, so coping and managing are keys. But I'm happy to say that today marks the end of my sleeplessness and agonies. Tbh, I've been anxiously (also excitedly) waiting  for the results of my application and today, it happened.

I got it.

These times are crazy, unpredictable, and unprecedented, but I'll worry about those later but for now, let me bathe in happiness.

A 2020 Update

THE FUCKING PANDEMIC HAPPENED ON OUR WATCH AND HERE WE ALL ARE COOPED UP IN OUR DOMESTIC HOLES.

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

Does it ever go away?

Tell me, when will it ever stop?
It’s easy to trick the mind that it would be easier to forgive and forget.
I can never forget.
I am not ready to forgive yet.
But it fucking weighs me down.
It’s too heavy I can’t promise to be strong every day.

Will it ever go away?

Hello old friend

Funny how it seems that we go back to our roots after a catastrophic event in our lives. In my case, roots here have a different meaning. 

I meant, writing. 

After all, this space was created because I was once a bewitched university kid who had no idea how to handle an infatuation and so funneled all that emotion writing to the interweb.

So.

I’ve been walking in perpetual daze ever since I found out something that shocked me to the core. I guess it’s normal when someone you’ve put too much faith, truth, respect, and love betrays you it’s as if you could feel the world is literally crashing down on you. 

Which is quite apt to describe it. The crushing feeling doesn’t seem to stop. I don’t know when it will ever stop. I know someday it will but it sure as hell not today.

It might only be day five but by god it feels like it’s already been an eternity.

Who’s the worst?

The longest I've gone MIA in here was 9 months. Well then I just broke that record once again. The new record is a day short of 13 months!

I literally am the worst. 😭

To be fair I've been busy with work (progress report: IT'S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT) and planning our recently wrapped-up (short) European trip. One day I'll get to write about that too (like all the other things I promised I'd write about ugh).

I know this page doesn't even get traffic and all but for sentimental reasons I keep paying for renewal, even during those times I was shitbroke. It's really hard for me to give up this space but I am aware that I am not utilising it the way it should be. Anyway, the only reason I created this space is to store my thoughts a la online diary. Nothing should change.

That's all for now. I'll see what I can do with better presence here. In the meantime, here's a photo of me with Matterhorn in the background haha.